YOU DONT KNOW MEEEEeee: June 2005

Here we are, once again. Just you. And just me. Only, when you read this, I'll already be gone, and this is just a memory of me. Isn't that fun?

So I went on this Journey thing, and it was great.

I got confronted with someone wondering if I really did suck this much. It was an "am-i-seeing-you-how-you-really-are-and-can-be-or-how-i-want-you-to-be" thing. Let me tell ya, that hurts. And wakes you up. And you realize, yes, I do suck this much. But hopefully you see me right, because your idea wrks for me.

Then I saw that oppurtunity is not something I have tons of right now. While I have tons of little ones, big ideas aren't what people look for in me. I have really screwed that up.

I realize, I'm here basically because of God and two people with HUGE amounts of faith in Him, and the Him in me. Hallelujah the Him-in-me is going to win over the me-in-me.

So, prayer would be appreciated for walking with God. And for my foot. I have a bad case of street-feet, and I want to cut off my toes. Also for Lydia.

Ok...bye...
YOU DONT KNOW MEEEEeeee....seriously, you dont...rachael boring!!!

listening...

I do no really have nothing to say. So I should proberly just not say anything. That would be genus of me. But I awready started talking. Tima think up sumthin-

I like Vancouver.

YOU DONT KNOW MEEEEEeee...

I have issues...

Hello. Welcome to my blob. It is very sad how everyone's grammer goes out the window when commenting on my blob. Now then, on to my issues.

I have been struggling lately with being who God created me to be. Mostly because I'm not entirely sure who that is. I like to sit around, though, and remind myself who and what I'm not.
I'm not a prophet.
I'm not a preacher.
I'm not a teacher.
I'm not an intercessor.
I'm not a healer.
...
I never sit and think of what I am, because if I did, I may be wrong about the things above. I guess this kind of goes along with Tara's blob from the other day about humility. Which brings me to my question of: is false humility the same as insecurities? Well, can it be the same? Would you consider insecurity to be the same as false humility?
Also, how do I become more of who God wants me to be, and get rid of this voice in my head that says:
You suck.
You don't belong here.
Why are you still at War College?
Don't try, you'll fail.
You're not funny.
...
?
I had other things to add that I thought up in church today...I was thinking about appeals. Y'know? At the end of the sermon and you're called up to allow God to publicly fix you. But I'm a WC student. I should be mostly fixed, and so I can pray with other people.
It kind of gets weird where at WC I'm like...the lowest of the low, and then other places I'm like...looked up to- almost- for my closeness to God, and I'm supposed to know the answers. But I don't know the answers. Things get strange...I need your prayer, please.

Thank you for reading my blob. I sure do hope you enjoyed it.

YOU DONT KNOW MEEEEeeee

I've been thinking...and...

I've been thinking a lot about this question. Am I a chick...or a dude. Most people would probably find this to be a normal question- that's easy to answer. But I find it to be somewhat intriguing. (Like i said, I've been thinking...)
Does this question mean I am a dudely chick? Or a chickly dude?

Anyhoo- on to business...

I was visiting a blob that was discussing Strategy. Strategy makes me think of goals, naturally- your strategy is your way in which you are planning for to acheive said goal.
But I don't particularly care for goals. Let's unpack that, shall we?
First and foremost- or maybe just first- I am quite lazy sometimes, although I've thought many-a-time that had I not been so lazy I would have been a perfectionist and in being so would have driven myself to the point of insanity, so perhaps my laziness was really a gift.
Also, there is the fact that in setting a goal, you have plans to achieve that goal. I have a fear of failure. I did not know this, except I realized one day that I've never really tried anything in my entire life. So as to not fail.

I was just thinking that perhaps some of you reading this here blob may think I am IDless because I feel I can be more open and won't feel so vulnerable. I assure you, that's not the case. I am IDless for to make life a little bit more funnier.

mahaha.

My apologies...

I would like to apologize. I did not realize my blob was set to not allow anonymous comments. Anonymous comment are the best kind.

BTW- who cares if I'm male or female? All you need to know is two things:
number a) I'm a child of God.
and number b) YOU DONT KNOW MEEEEeeee...

Getting to KNOW MEEEEeee

Hello. And welcome to my blob. I meant blog. As for those of you reading this- I hope you exist. I have not yet told anyone about this here blob, and so...who knows. Praps the good Lord will just lead you here.
BTW- whatever is discussed on this here blob stays here on the blob, never to be brought up in my presence. If we happen ever for to meet, of course. Now then, on to the blob:

So- I got this one word (well, I have more than one word...) that I keep repeating whenever I pray. I've been asking God,
"Excuse me, sir, but may I please have an interpretation for said word."
Let me tell you, it was a way-too-overly said word. Behold! I get an intepretation, God says- mercy. But...
I've been reading through the bible- going to get through that whole thing by july 1 (started june 1...) and I've been reading through numbers, deut, josh, and judges today and there was my word! It's the name of a city. Boy was I surprised. I still wanted to know what it meant.
Then, the word was not just a name of a city but the name of one of the 6 cities where Isrealites were to flee if'n they happened to accidently murder a fellow-person. So, naturally I had to consult Mr. Strong's concordance in order so that I would be able for to know the original hebrew meaning.
As it just so happens for to turn out- the word is derived from a hebrew word that means:
holy, sanctified, hallowed...and other such terms
Now, correct me if'n I am wrong but- isn't this strange? Take your brain, and these two words: Mercy and Holy (or sanctified) and try to work out some way in which you are praying for mercy using a word derived from a hebrew word meaning holy. No, don't use your brain. I tried. It was a lot of fun. I really like God.

So, now that YOU still DONT KNOW MEEEeeee...go 'way.