"through the eyes of a make-believe poet" aka: if i could rap...

Mama...
did you ever wonder why your child is a screw-up?
why you're the mother of the one who was never quite good enough?
did you ever wonder why your baby couldn't talk to you?
did you ever sit and think "what did i do?"?
did you ever wonder why you had to fall in love and marry the man that had to die?
did you ever wonder why you had a daddy was one of those guys?
those guys that loved the bottle more than his own family?
those guys who hit his wife and kids and then left them in the hell that he had created?
did you ever wonder if you had done something wrong?
if all of this was punishment?
Mama...
did you ever wonder what happened that got us here?
did you ever wonder what would have happened if i would have stayed there?
did you ever wonder if all of this was your fault?
did you ever sit and wonder where you went wrong?
when you look into your daughters eyes, that so often fill with tears
and you know of the struggle she goes through to keep her here
doyou ever wonder why she got where she is?
and tehn do you wonder how long she'll stay like this?
do you ever wonder why you even bothered?
or why you were so bothered?
Mama...
do you sit and think of the mistakes you'vemade?
or worse than that- the mistakes i've made?
do you wonder how i could belong to you??
do you wonder what it is i want out of life?
and wonder if i'll get it, or if i'll never try?
do you wonder what would have happened if i wasn't me?
do you wonder how different i'd have been if i had daddy?
do you think about when i was young and you had so many hopes and dreams
and then think that im a failure- because i cant even be me?
mama...
do you wonder what i think about? dream about?
do you wonder what i even know about?
mama, i know you love me. i know when you look at me you dont see my failings-
but i cant help but wonder...
what if i was different?
what if i wasn't me?
what if i was that kid who lived up to those hopes and dreams?

so, maybe it should be titled...no more staying up past midnight on the puter when you're really freakin' tired...