if i was a poet...

i would write poetry. deep thoughts by (insert name here). haha! but seriously...

i was going through an old notebook (just now) and found this: i wrote it march 4, 2004- which is about 2 weeks after applying for TWC and aout a month before being accepted.

"how far would i go for God? i dont know. i would like to say "all the way" but all the way where? to canada? to the projects in chicago? to antigua? to death? to torture? where will i follow him? if i can barely talk about god at school, where am i headed? save those close to me- then move out. set them on fire. then move out.
who do i love more? me? or god? god is the answer i should give w/o hesitation. but is it the honest truth? i would hope so. what can i give up for him? soda? tried it. chocolate? tried it. what can i do w/o so i could have more of him? what well i not sacrifice? i should be willing to be stripped of everything i own and still be able to go out into the world and work for him. am i even able to go out and work for him?!?!
what means more to me than jesus? i keep asking me- what will i give up for god. maybe i should step back and examine the things i love (ot hate) that make me me.
FRIENDS: would i be willing to take 1 hr. that i usually spend with friends to pray, meditate and read my bible?
INTERNET: this goes hand0in-hand with friends- could i take some internet time and use it to worship god?
CHURCH: ok- weird choice, but am i here for me? god? other people? would i be willing to spend my hours @ church w/god and not the people here?
Everything comes back to friends. do i need to take them out of my life more? or bring god into our relationships more? lets try god first."

and this was my prayer: "God- help me, ok? thanks."

So, those were the thoughts of a 17 yr old senior in high school 2-and-a-half months before grad. haha!