I have come to the conclusion that...I am nothing special. I was not made to be an amazing public speaker. I'm not here to go out and change the world. I am just here.
I don't have any special talents, I can't do anything amazing. Pretty much- I'm loud. And no one likes that.
The only thing about me that's any good is the Jesus inside me. hooray for Him.
So I figure- why have I been wasting the past 2 years trying to be and do something I'm not? Why didn't I just take my acceptance into USF, my scholarship money and go there, get an education and then go get a job? Why do I insist on having ridiculous "dreams" that I know are just going to make me sound crazy...and won't happen anyway? What is it that made me think I could do something?
I don't know what to do next because I'm supposed to be going somewhere to do something that I can't do. I don't want to not go because- well, in telling people this it sounds like...I don't know like I want people to say "no! you're great...blahblahblah...Jesus has a plan for you!" And maybe that is what I want- but I don't think so. I think I just want to get these thoughts out of my head and say- this is where I'm at.
And then...oh man! It's like...I'm a failure (surprise,surprise) and that's ok with me. It's just that, last night we had to do something and I was a thousand percent against it and was pretty vocal about that- and then I realized that people would get annoyed with me and go to my mom and it would reflect badly on her. And I don't want my idiotic-ness to make anyone but me look bad...
I could go on...but it's probably way past time for me to shut up.
I don't have any special talents, I can't do anything amazing. Pretty much- I'm loud. And no one likes that.
The only thing about me that's any good is the Jesus inside me. hooray for Him.
So I figure- why have I been wasting the past 2 years trying to be and do something I'm not? Why didn't I just take my acceptance into USF, my scholarship money and go there, get an education and then go get a job? Why do I insist on having ridiculous "dreams" that I know are just going to make me sound crazy...and won't happen anyway? What is it that made me think I could do something?
I don't know what to do next because I'm supposed to be going somewhere to do something that I can't do. I don't want to not go because- well, in telling people this it sounds like...I don't know like I want people to say "no! you're great...blahblahblah...Jesus has a plan for you!" And maybe that is what I want- but I don't think so. I think I just want to get these thoughts out of my head and say- this is where I'm at.
And then...oh man! It's like...I'm a failure (surprise,surprise) and that's ok with me. It's just that, last night we had to do something and I was a thousand percent against it and was pretty vocal about that- and then I realized that people would get annoyed with me and go to my mom and it would reflect badly on her. And I don't want my idiotic-ness to make anyone but me look bad...
I could go on...but it's probably way past time for me to shut up.
posted by YOU DONT KNOW MEEEeeee @ 8:08 AM
1 Comments:
At 10:03 AM,
Anonymous said…
SNAP OUT OF IT....as long as you recieve the lies then stew in your stuff all you want to. You have a choice to stand up and be somebody, or not. If you choose the or not then you're right. There is no plan for you, but if you choose to do something then get ready for mighty things to happen in and through your life.
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